Award Season

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With such intense competition and new candidates emerging daily, coming up with my nomination for the 2009 Sleeziest Scambag Banker Award was clearly not an easy call. After careful deliberation though, I am finally ready...
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He IS the MAN!

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After months of lies and defamation, this evil woman finally decides to tell the truth. Millions of Sylvio devotees feel vindicated. We knew all along that after all this he would still be the... Last Man Standing.
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Oops!

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A Belgian car crash victim who was misdiagnosed as being in a vegetative state for 23 years was conscious the whole time, it has emerged.

Actual quotes from the victim:
"I notice a big difference now I'm back in contact with the world."

and from the Doctor:
"Misdiagnosis can lead to grave consequences, especially in end-of-life decision-making."

I wonder what the Onion guys will be up to next now that their site is officially out of business...
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Curiouser and Curiouser

In a Ponzidom far far away, there lived a King who amassed a great fortune, to the tune of 64 billion, by defrauding his loyal subjects. Then the great civil war started and the king was dethroned and thrown into jail and the accountants took control of the land and started to calculate the King’s fortune to divide it back to the people. Only they made a fatal mistake in calculating the fraud based on a newfound accounting theory which showed the loses to be 21 billion. Soon the people revolted again, but this time they took the heads of the chief accountant, who was soon charged of operating a reverse Ponzi. And they lived happily ever after. OK boys, it’s late now, go to sleep.

“The sum of all of those individual account balances was more than $64 billion. By contrast, Mr. Picard has said that the eligible losses in the fraud, by his formula, total just over $21 billion”

Walking in the Rain

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I am sure you are all aware of Rule #1 of the famous 28 Rules of Manhood.

Well it looks like some people managed to get quite far in life withous ever getting the memo (you would think they could afford a second one, wouldn't you?)
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The Right Man for the Position

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Herman Van Rompuy was appointed today the new EU President. Mr. Van Rompuy is the Prime Minister of Belgium, while prior to that, under the alias Montgomery Burns, he was the owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. His vast experience in handling countless disasters (nuclear, environmental, social, etc.) will surely serve him well in his new position.


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Tanorama

Here’s a little post to help you through the oncoming winter…pale is the new tan

Death by Texting

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As Mark Twain would put it, the rumors of her death have been somewhat exaggerated...
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Generation Text

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I was thinking about hashtagging the following:
"He wouldn't stop sexting me so I had to unfriend him a long time ago. He pretends to be funemployed these days, but I hear he basically lives on freemiums, and remains as intexticated as ever."
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It’s obvious really

I mean of course they would be disappointed. After all, Italian women are pretty much used to partying like Il Cavaliere is in the house, where the only documents they have to sign are non disclosure agreements for the day after…

Sexual Healing

Guys, i think it’s about time we spiced things up a notch…

Bible's Bookrunners

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Last April we presented you, our dear Readers, the modern day Apostoles of the global investment banking with their gospel-like financial statements (that we have to believe in without questioning), and their miraculous ability to repay billions of bail-out money hours after they received it in order to collect their bonuses (1, 2).

We thought the message was clear but (this being the very early stage of the Balcony phenomenom) unfortunately it did not quite reach the masses, thus forcing Goldman's CEO to spell it out for the (presumably wider) Sunday Times' audience.

Well, once again you know where you heard it first...
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Homer Simpson Day

In order to celebrate the outrageously funny yet exemplary stupid achievements of Hommo Homerikus Simpsonicus among us, we start a new section in our blog themed by the one and only donut eating pot bellied cartoon character.

This being a new skit, for the pilot we give you a double bill.

Man provides own photo for mug shot.

Man drives stolen car to court, didn't want to miss hearing on car stealing charges.

Doh!

Indirect aid to Wall Street?

Hold on. I know that H1N1vaccines are to be distributed to the at-risk members of the public, but who is more at risk than Wall Street. Really. Think about it.

Thou shall not work in investment banking

So this guy who is a prof in some MBA program finally nailed the solution to the eternal problem of cheating in class. I can’t wait for the class of 09 to hit the wall street corridors of power to see if they will refrain themselves from breaking the system…