Dumb and Dumber

Seriously, this is another one of those days. You know when the world just became a little bit more insane. “London councils sue themselves for parking offences.” You can’t make this stuff up. Which is what mr. Segal is saying all along…

A Light Bulb Moment

In the long list of innovative business ideas, like our previously covered airline light bulb moments, we can add one more, only this one, is just miles ahead in the stupidity factor.

I could try to jump on parts of this post, like covered hair guarantee or all-in-one fleece sleeper suits but really, this is just too damn easy now…

Enjoy. Discuss.

Let's all try to forget, shall we?

Mayor Guiliani, you beautiful scoundrel you...!!! We all know you and love so dearly, so we all have to assume that this is old age or maybe Alzheimer's that's killing your memory...

Homer Simpson Day

In order to celebrate the outrageously funny yet exemplary stupid achievements of Hommo Homerikus Simpsonicus among us, we start a new section in our blog themed by the one and only donut eating pot bellied cartoon character.

This being a new skit, for the pilot we give you a double bill.

Man provides own photo for mug shot.

Man drives stolen car to court, didn't want to miss hearing on car stealing charges.

Doh!

The third time’s the charm

So guess who is not drinking the kool aid at the green shoots party?

Yes, you guessed right. Fannie Mae. It seems the venerable institution, who we should remind our readers is as of lately under government conservatorship in order to find a way not suck badly, actually sucks pretty bad.

In an interesting twist on the whole green shoot scenarios, they lost 14,8 bil this quarter. Only slightly better than the 20 bil they lost last quarter. So most def that second derivative is looking good. But until they find a way to correct that first derivative, they are gonna have to hit that TARP bitch for something like 10 bil, in what will be the third Gov ATM withdrawal in the last year, bringing the total to 90 bil. Ouch. Hey at least they are not AIG right? Hit this and this for the details.

Run Forrest Run

Ok so the title may not be the most representative but still the stupidity race is on, on who will sodomise the Lehman corpse. Here’s the story. Apparently New York city is claiming unpaid tax back up to 1996 from the Lehman liquidators to the tune of $627 mil. Yeah you read that correct. 1996. They just thought about those taxes today (2009 in case you fell in a time warp machine). Those poor guys are gonna have to start selling a lot more stress balls and umbrellas to pay that ticket…

Marketing 101

We used to have Berlusconi. The one top global political figure that you could trust to basically toss political correctness aside and just do as the I-talians do. But lately, there is a new contender in town, the Russians. Specifically the comedic duo of Medvedev and Putin who feel that political correctness is for gays, women and Georgians…

Case is point, Medvedev announces the new 2,5 B joint venture between Gazprom and Nigerian government, aptly named Nigaz!!! Obviously back in the day, they must have deported every marketing executive in the country…

Pants

So it seems, that some solutions to some problems are just there, starring us in the face. Case in point this ingenious solution to the ancient problem of corruption, that has been plaguing nations around the world for ever. Who knew it was that simple.

All we need now is to bring on board the rest of the world, and make this mandatory for everyone that can potentially be bribed. Give the contracts to (obviously pocketless trousered executives of) clothing manufacturers and we may also have the ticket to getting out of this recession. Kachiiiing!

Commercial Strategy 101

I think its an ingenious commercial strategy that has FULL GUARANTEED success written all over it.

step 1. Hire all the people on the planet.

step 2. Make it a company policy to buy only company products

step 3. Count your cash

Oh oh oh, just remembered, don’t forget to exclude from the policy your employees in those countries that are so lowly paid that they can only dream of one of your cars…like China or South Africa.

Finally, someone proposes THE solution

Nope, no they don’t. I was just trying to get your attention really. It’s actually a pretty stupid idea, but by now you guys are so numb from the stupidity buffer overflow that you didn’t notice.

Well, it seems that the Dutch want to start regulating banking by ensuring that people who work on banks pass some test or something…anyway, as i said it’s so stupid that it has that self-explanatory quality that only stupid ideas have. Veel Geluk!

Running Total

OK boys and girls. Its that time of the year. You know which one i mean. No, not easter egg time, that was last week. It’s IMF total cost of crisis estimation time. Yep. 4,1 trillion mulah. Now, i know that most of you are bored and actually don’t read this shit so here’s a little inside joke included in the link above:

“In its Global Financial Stability Report, the IMF said U.S. institutions were about halfway through their needed write-downs”

NO, not that, it’s the title of the report that’s the funny part, the other one, not so funny.

Muppet competition

Guess the next title in succession (extra points if you are a Reuters journalist).

5.GM CEO says bankruptcy will be fast if needed

4.GM CEO Henderson says bankruptcy not inevitable

3.GM in “intense” preparations for bankruptcy

2.GM readies for bankruptcy

1. ?????

Hint: this is not like the GMAT test you all did for your MBA where you have multiple choice, you are supposed to try and look for a trend and then think of the next point in this trend. Please submit your answers at director.of.bankruptcy@gm.com. Winner will be chosen at random. First prize is a PUMA. Competition ends 30/4/09 (or earlier if GM goes bankrupt)

The solution

Obviously some ideas were already being tossed around to see if we could find a way to repay that massive kazillion debt load on Lehman, but who knew that the solution was just there starring at us…?.?