Dumb and Dumber

Seriously, this is another one of those days. You know when the world just became a little bit more insane. “London councils sue themselves for parking offences.” You can’t make this stuff up. Which is what mr. Segal is saying all along…

Simple Solutions

You guys have come to expect from us, razor sharp irony on the current state of affairs, so much so, that we have failed to deliver it to time and time again. But we try and try again, and today we are destined to fail again.

I give you the zero value banknote. Apparently it is so successful they cant stop printing the damn things. What’s the usage you ask. Well you use it to pay for bribes. ha ha ha. (funny i know, but it works).

Genius.

A Light Bulb Moment

In the long list of innovative business ideas, like our previously covered airline light bulb moments, we can add one more, only this one, is just miles ahead in the stupidity factor.

I could try to jump on parts of this post, like covered hair guarantee or all-in-one fleece sleeper suits but really, this is just too damn easy now…

Enjoy. Discuss.

Let's all try to forget, shall we?

Mayor Guiliani, you beautiful scoundrel you...!!! We all know you and love so dearly, so we all have to assume that this is old age or maybe Alzheimer's that's killing your memory...

Theobarising

Go read this. Fascinating. Now pour yourself a drink. Now read this as well. That's it, almost there.

Nobody will notice

Interesting story come up a few days ago, which turns out that its actually not a real transaction but some kind of hacker scam thing on many people with the exact same amount charged on their credit cards.

Our investigative team up here on the balcony has actually figured out that its Tim Geithner. This is probably his last resort effort to fix this financial crisis thing that everybody keeps talking about, plus keep some change around in case the media invent some new thing on a slow news day.

Title of the week

Wells Fargo Bank Sues Itself

I know it’s only Monday, but it was a winner.

Pants

So it seems, that some solutions to some problems are just there, starring us in the face. Case in point this ingenious solution to the ancient problem of corruption, that has been plaguing nations around the world for ever. Who knew it was that simple.

All we need now is to bring on board the rest of the world, and make this mandatory for everyone that can potentially be bribed. Give the contracts to (obviously pocketless trousered executives of) clothing manufacturers and we may also have the ticket to getting out of this recession. Kachiiiing!

Finally, someone proposes THE solution

Nope, no they don’t. I was just trying to get your attention really. It’s actually a pretty stupid idea, but by now you guys are so numb from the stupidity buffer overflow that you didn’t notice.

Well, it seems that the Dutch want to start regulating banking by ensuring that people who work on banks pass some test or something…anyway, as i said it’s so stupid that it has that self-explanatory quality that only stupid ideas have. Veel Geluk!

His moon is in Uranus

After the stress ball and umbrella cash flow bonanza it seems that Lehman’s liquidators are turning to some other big ticket items to help repay that massive debt.

May i suggest they try Ahmadinejad. He might be interested in some pure weapons grade raw material…?

Stronger than Ever

So the big news of the day, and certainly the one that everyone is going to be talking about for the next 30 seconds or so is that Goldman Sachs is returning the TARP money, all 10bn of it.

So i guess the general idea is that they are doing ok, and they don't need it, and they have other pressing issues to attend to, say like, finalizing their bonus structure and the pay raises for 2009. Good. Now i was never that good at math but i seem to recall that they did manage to get more than that (NYTimes say 13bn) through AIG’s TARP money so i guess they are good to go.

If we are to believe C.Gasparino, then this is like, the head of the mob family returning back to the helm after a short stay in the hospital from that murder attempt at the local restaurant.

Pure Genious (II)

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They said that he is probably the most talented politician Washington has seen in a very long time. Now we know why. He spent the first two months of his presidency talking down the economy with an unprecedented vengeance repeatedly using words like "crisis", "mortal danger of absolute collapse", "disaster", "catastrophie", etc. His strategy has become clear: He wanted to make sure that any sense of optimism has been eliminated (with the possible exception of V. Pandit), and ultimate gloom has captured our collective thinking, so that he can be 100% accurate when he says that "things are not as bad as we think"!!

On a scale of 1-10, exactly how bad would that be, Mr. President? -1,000,000 give or take?

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Pure Genious

The theory that a 70-year old man was single-handedly preparing, on a monthly basis, thousands of fake customer reports, detailing countless fictional trades that were actually adding up and could stand up to the scrutiny of their receipients (including all major international banks) seemed entirely plausible to all of us from day 1. Nonetheless, it appears now that US prosecutors are having second thoughts and are entertaining the idea that some of the Fund's employees might have actually participated in the fraud! We are left wondering what or who could have possibly tipped them off...